January 19, 2017

I’m not creative. I am not good at being girly. I don’t know math. I’m not athletic.

These are all things I have said about myself. Many times.

A few years ago I was in Hawaii visiting my friend Jessica and her lovely family. We’d met through blogging and it was my first time meeting her in person (I saw her again a few years later and my husband got food poisoning and threw up on her couch…another story, another time). We were talking about make up and how I rarely wear it, and I made some comment about how I just don’t care and am fine with how I look without it.

She asked if maybe “intentionally” not wearing makeup and avoiding fashion was a way for me to hide my insecurity about it.

There are a few things people have said to me that stick in my memory, like the girl in high school who told me I have straight-across eyebrows, which is true and which I think about every time I pluck them. And as soon as Jessica said that to me I knew it’d stay with me.

But it’s not just makeup and fashion that it’s true for.

I’ve never called myself “creative” or “athletic” because in my head I either was those things or I wasn’t. There was no way to cultivate either characteristic. If I didn’t feel comfortable working out I never would, and I’d certainly never be good at it. If I didn’t know how to sew or draw or write immediately after trying, I’d never learn how and it was best to just leave it to people who were more gifted than I was.

But then I turned 30. My metabolism slowed down and I realized how goddamn stupid it was to write off whole skills without even trying them.

So I’m learning to sew. And I made an elephant that sucks. But I also made a few cloth letters and a drawstring bag and a pillow that only suck a little bit.

I started going to the gym and for once in my life I actually don’t hate it. I’m following this plan and just focusing on what I do instead of what other people might think. There’s a guy there who I think is hitting on me.

I’m realizing that life’s too short for a fixed mindset, and as a mom, I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking that she has a set list of talents that will never change and that she should never push or challenge or grow beyond.

Learning things is hard. For me, sucking at them for a long time is even harder. But I gotta say, finally getting good at something I’ve worked my ass off to learn is light years more satisfying than the things I was good at right away.

One thought on “January 19, 2017

  1. I think it’s great that, as we get older, we start to look inwards a bit and consider what we could maybe revisit or what we could bring into our lives that’s new. It shows a desire not to give up and just become mush in front of the tv, to keep challenging yourself instead. You’re way more awesome than you give yourself credit for and I’m glad that you’re starting to realise it a bit. Also, LOVE that some guy at the gym is hitting on you haha!! How could they not though, right?! ❤

    Like

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